The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language has a very interesting entry on “friend”. It says that the word “friend” in English came from Old English and Old German meaning “to like”, “to love”, “to set free”, and “peace”. In a way, our ancestors considered someone as a friend as someone who would “set them free” from oppression or imprisonment of some kind. Someone who would provide us with peace.
There are different types of friends. Acquaintances are people with whom one gets along with, in peace, but with whom one has a superficial relationship. The majority of people we know fall in this category. Allies are those with whom we do something, often against other groups of individuals. For example, our business partners or our team colleagues. Then, there are the ones we cherish and trust. Some may say these are true friends or best friends. Finding peace is difficult, as we live in rather competitive and aggressive societies. And there are more chances of finding someone who wants to boss us around than to set us free. Therefore, “true friends” are hard to find, indeed.
Girlfriends and boyfriends are those with whom we have a romantic relationship. Interestingly, in the English language, as in other languages, the difference between “friend” and a romantic partner is very thin. In other languages, like Spanish, the distinction is quite clear (“noivo” and “noiva” are romantically involved whereas “amigo” and “amiga” are not). Does this mean that in some languages speakers see romantic partners as “friends with benefits” or that in other languages they simply need to make the romantic status clearer? Considering the English connection between “friend” and “freedom”, maybe, in the latter case, romantic relationships are seen as more “captivating”.
At this point, it is useful to check what an enemy is: “one that is hostile toward another”. Some synonyms are: opponent, foe, hostile, adversary, antagonist, attacker, rival, competitor. It sounds simple enough. If you bring peace and are likable, you are a friend. If you are hostile and you are against me, you are an enemy. Now, the question is: if someone you cherish and care about is hostile towards you for whatever reason, is that person your enemy or a friend with a temporary dysfunction?
This is where the concept of trust comes in. For example, in war situations, negotiations are extremely difficult because there is no trust between antagonists. If you reach an agreement, you really don’t know if the other side will comply with the duties agreed upon. In friendships, especially the closest ones, the possibility of betrayal can be very high. That is why a betrayal hurts so much: you put your trust in someone and that person uses it against you. A former friend turns into an enemy. On the other hand, a former enemy can also turn into a friend. Once the initial hostility is gone, you may find you can trust that person whom you previously thought was hostile.
The problem in real life is that the line between friend and enemy is not always so clear. For example, in a toxic friendship, you trust a person who is actually doing harm to you. He or she is not exactly an enemy (they can even make you believe they have your best interests at heart), and yet they don’t bring you peace nor set you free. On the other hand, someone may be trying to make you see that you are mistaken about a situation or a person. You regard this person as aggressive, even though he or she is actually trying to set you free.
Friendship doesn’t have a purpose in itself, but can be very useful. Friends can help us face an aggressor or leave a bad situation. They can help us build something or destroy something that is hurting us. They give us hope in desperate situations and give us a hand when we are almost drowning. They make us feel good about ourselves instead of belittling us or pointing out our faults. They help us think instead of telling us what we should do (and then be angry when you don’t follow their advice). They know we are not perfect human beings and that we are going to fail and make mistakes (and they still keep on liking us and trusting us). They don’t expect anything from you, but are the first to get closer when something bad happens.
You can have different friends for different situations. For example, the person that helps you choose your car insurance may not be the same that helps you leave a toxic relationship. A stranger can be crucial in a moment of distress and then you never see him or her again. A childhood friend can give you the appreciation you need to have confidence in yourself throughout your life. Different types of friends for different situations.
The trick to distinguish between friend and foe is to pay attention and keep these concepts in mind. You may be surprised.
** YOUR WORDS AND IDEAS **
By Isabella Muir | On 19 April 2025 at 12:51
A thoughtful piece and a reminder that we all need a support network, even if that network is just one or two people who we rarely see, but we know that we can trust them to be good listeners. I reckon that although there are many people who like their personal space, there are few who want to live their lives in total isolation. Hooray for friendship in all its forms!
By Words in Ideas | On 19 April 2025 at 14:15
You are absolutely right! Hooray, indeed! 🙂
WORDS IN IDEAS 