In the novel “Anna Karenina”, written by Leo Tolstoy, the main character is a socialite, happily married and with children. She moves with ease and joy from one social event to the other, without much care about the world outside. She feels good inside her bubble until she falls completely in love with Count Vronsky. What starts as a scandalous adulterous affair, ends with a decision to divorce her husband. Due to this, Anna Karenina is banned from society. At first, she doesn’t mind, but, as time goes by and passion diminishes, she begins missing her beloved social life. She endures her isolation as much as she can, but, at last, she can’t take it anymore and tragedy strikes.

Just like Anna Karenina, people who are used to having an intense social life may suffer greatly when such social life is interrupted. The lockdowns due to the COVID pandemic made this quite clear. These lockdowns were temporary, but lasted long enough to increase mental problems like depression. If we take Anna Karenina’s example, not even love is strong enough to face the challenge of being without social life. And it’s not just about fun and entertainment, it is about missing the people: the loved ones, the friends, the accomplices of jokes about the others. It’s the feeling of belonging somewhere, of being important, of mattering.

Social life has always been vital for human beings. In prehistoric times, people lived in communities where every member had a role to play and survival depended on everyone playing their part. They had to hunt together and agree on the strategy to follow, build together, do daily tasks together, raise the children together. Free time was also spent together. When exactly did they start singing and dancing it’s a mystery, but once entertainment started, it never went away. As society became more complex, so did entertainment. Nowadays, it’s hard to do something spontaneously. Everything is organized and people need to buy tickets or register in advance. Entertainment has to be part of one’s personal calendar. There are those who even have weekly appointments: cinema or theatre on Fridays, dinner out on Saturdays, day out on Sundays. Then, there are the annual events (like Christmas) and fairs.

We follow the unwritten social rules everyone else follows. We live by example; what others do, it’s what we do. Anna Karenina mastered this. She knew how to speak, what she could say or not say, how to dress, how to behave, which parties to go to and which parties to avoid, the men and women to talk to and those to avoid. All was fluid, all was right, all was perfect. That’s the aim because that’s how we are accepted in the group. However, there can be a downside: you can lose yourself in the crowd. To be accepted in the group, one has to talk like the group, think like the group, be like the group. Usually there is no formal hierarchy, but you have to know who set the example and follow them. And you have to prove all the time that you deserve to continue belonging to the group. If you fail, there are consequences and punishments. Anna Karenina dared to break the rules of society and got expelled forever without any possibility of redemption.

Lonely people can be seen as outcasts, like they would have an infectious disease and should be avoided at all times. Yet, the number of people living alone tends to increase as the GDP per capita increases. This may mean that when people have a higher income, they also have more options. For example, in the past, women had to get married to survive, as it was difficult for them to get a job; they depended entirely on men. Nowadays, working women are an undeniable reality and many of them prefer to live by themselves. Therefore, these “lonely people”, may be people who are unable to comply with the unwritten social rules or who just reject such rules so they can be themselves.

Society is changing and social life is changing with it. For example, people go to the cinema less often because they can stream films and TV series at home. They prefer to buy a house with a swimming pool instead of going to the public swimming pool. They don’t need to go shopping; they can do that online. Museums and travel destinations can be enjoyed online as well. There is no need to go to a restaurant when you don’t have food at home; you can call a courier service and the food goes to your house. All these little errands people used to do in-person would inevitably lead to interactions with other people. If you would go to the same place regularly, you would start to get to know those who worked there and other customers. You would socialize. Not anymore; you can do everything by yourself in the comfort of your home… alone.

Nevertheless, new ways of interacting with others are emerging. It is no surprise that the number of workshops, conferences, music festivals, thematic fairs, and other types of events are increasing. Well, yes, it’s a way to make people spend their money on things other than daily life, but it’s also a way to meet new people in-person. Meeting people online is fine, but, at some point, everyone needs an in-person interaction. After all, human beings are social creatures, they need to socialize.