Tag: friendship

Keyword: FAMILY | What are friends for?

The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language has a very interesting entry on “friend”. It says that the word “friend” in English came from Old English and Old German meaning “to like”, “to love”, “to set free”, and “peace”. In a way, our ancestors considered someone as a friend as someone who would “set them free” from oppression or imprisonment of some kind. Someone who would provide us with peace.

There are different types of friends. Acquaintances are people with whom one gets along with, in peace, but with whom one has a superficial relationship. The majority of people we know fall in this category. Allies are those with whom we do something, often against other groups of individuals. For example, our business partners or our team colleagues. Then, there are the ones we cherish and trust. Some may say these are true friends or best friends. Finding peace is difficult, as we live in rather competitive and aggressive societies. And there are more chances of finding someone who wants to boss us around than to set us free. Therefore, “true friends” are hard to find, indeed.

Girlfriends and boyfriends are those with whom we have a romantic relationship. Interestingly, in the English language, as in other languages, the difference between “friend” and a romantic partner is very thin. In other languages, like Spanish, the distinction is quite clear (“noivo” and “noiva” are romantically involved whereas “amigo” and “amiga” are not). Does this mean that in some languages speakers see romantic partners as “friends with benefits” or that in other languages they simply need to make the romantic status clearer? Considering the English connection between “friend” and “freedom”, maybe, in the latter case, romantic relationships are seen as more “captivating”.

At this point, it is useful to check what an enemy is: “one that is hostile toward another”. Some synonyms are: opponent, foe, hostile, adversary, antagonist, attacker, rival, competitor. It sounds simple enough. If you bring peace and are likable, you are a friend. If you are hostile and you are against me, you are an enemy. Now, the question is: if someone you cherish and care about is hostile towards you for whatever reason, is that person your enemy or a friend with a temporary dysfunction?

This is where the concept of trust comes in. For example, in war situations, negotiations are extremely difficult because there is no trust between antagonists. If you reach an agreement, you really don’t know if the other side will comply with the duties agreed upon. In friendships, especially the closest ones, the possibility of betrayal can be very high. That is why a betrayal hurts so much: you put your trust in someone and that person uses it against you. A former friend turns into an enemy. On the other hand, a former enemy can also turn into a friend. Once the initial hostility is gone, you may find you can trust that person whom you previously thought was hostile.

The problem in real life is that the line between friend and enemy is not always so clear. For example, in a toxic friendship, you trust a person who is actually doing harm to you. He or she is not exactly an enemy (they can even make you believe they have your best interests at heart), and yet they don’t bring you peace nor set you free. On the other hand, someone may be trying to make you see that you are mistaken about a situation or a person. You regard this person as aggressive, even though he or she is actually trying to set you free.

Friendship doesn’t have a purpose in itself, but can be very useful. Friends can help us face an aggressor or leave a bad situation. They can help us build something or destroy something that is hurting us. They give us hope in desperate situations and give us a hand when we are almost drowning. They make us feel good about ourselves instead of belittling us or pointing out our faults. They help us think instead of telling us what we should do (and then be angry when you don’t follow their advice). They know we are not perfect human beings and that we are going to fail and make mistakes (and they still keep on liking us and trusting us). They don’t expect anything from you, but are the first to get closer when something bad happens.

You can have different friends for different situations. For example, the person that helps you choose your car insurance may not be the same that helps you leave a toxic relationship. A stranger can be crucial in a moment of distress and then you never see him or her again. A childhood friend can give you the appreciation you need to have confidence in yourself throughout your life. Different types of friends for different situations.

The trick to distinguish between friend and foe is to pay attention and keep these concepts in mind. You may be surprised.

 

** YOUR WORDS AND IDEAS **

By Isabella Muir | On 19 April 2025 at 12:51
A thoughtful piece and a reminder that we all need a support network, even if that network is just one or two people who we rarely see, but we know that we can trust them to be good listeners. I reckon that although there are many people who like their personal space, there are few who want to live their lives in total isolation. Hooray for friendship in all its forms!

By Words in Ideas | On 19 April 2025 at 14:15
You are absolutely right! Hooray, indeed! 🙂

 

Key place: USA’s EAST COAST | “The Baltimore Boys” by Joël Dicker

Harry Quebert was Marcus Goldman’s mentor when Marcus Goldman was a student and an aspiring writer. Harry Quebert had become a great writer, not in the most honest way, as we learn in the book “The Truth about the Harry Quebert Affair”. The mentorship gave rise to a good friendship, but the friendship came to an end due to the “Affair”. At the beginning of the “Affair” book, Marcus Goldman has a writer’s block and goes to visit Harry Quebert in his house by the beach in search of help. He is under pressure from the publisher to write a second book and he has no ideas. Witnessing first hand all events that led to Harry Quebert’s downfall, he reluctantly writes the book about the crime investigation that took place.

This second book is also a success. The first book had been inspired by his friendship with his cousin when they were kids and had been a huge success. When “The Baltimore Boys” starts, Marcus Goldman is trying to write his third book and… he has no ideas. In the meantime, he receives a call saying his uncle had died. He then goes to Florida to his uncle’s house and revisits his friendship with his cousin: how appearances can be deceiving, how never-told-words can become misunderstandings, and how basic human emotions can lead to thoughtless and disproportionate actions.

The Goldman’s family had two branches: the “poor” branch, living in New Jersey, and the “rich” branch, living in Baltimore. Marcus was part of the New Jersey branch, but he would go to Baltimore whenever he could, to spend time with his cousin. They were joined by a friend of his cousin, who became a non-official Marcus’ cousin. There was also a girl, who caused troubles, and a tragedy, that changed everyone’s lives. It turns out that the girl is, in fact, Marcus’ lost love. By chance, Marcus finds out that she is living not far from his uncle’s house… but she is engaged to be married.

Joël Dicker takes us on a journey between the past and the present, where the present is conditioned by the past and the present can change the course of the future. A Swiss national, he spent many childhood summer holidays in Maine, USA. This experience inspired some of his first novels such as the famous “The Truth about the Harry Quebert Affair”, which has turned into a successful TV series. Besides “The Baltimore Boys”, “The Alaska Sanders Affair” also includes characters of “The Truth about the Harry Quebert Affair”. In his first novel set in his home town, “The Enigma of Room 622”, Joël Dicker is the main character of the story and pays tribute to his editor who had just died. With the death of his mentor, he decided not to have any other editor, and, thus, established his own publishing house: Rosie & Wolfe.