The process could run very smoothly if it were not for the law. At the beginning, in Roman times, for example, people would get married and get divorced very easily. Everything was valid, even marriages between brother and sister and between two men. In reality, women were not very well regarded and their main function was to give birth to children and take care of the household (slaves would do the heavy work, though). They were also used by men (their fathers or brothers) for making alliances. They were part of the family, “property” of the owner of the household. This idea has endured over time.
“Husband” comes from the Old Norse word husbondi, a combination between hus, meaning “house”, and bondi, meaning “dweller”. Together, these words would mean “master of the house”. Thus, men were the owners of the house, while the women married to those men were responsible for managing it. It was a team work… except, women were a kind of servants, who served without pay. Love was not important, what was important was for women to provide children.
Men were in charge of their household, and also the whole society. Thus, it is no wonder that the law was written to favour them. In terms of divorce, men were given the right to treat women as they would please (all kinds of violence included) and to divorce them whenever they pleased. If women wanted to divorce men… they would have to jump through a series of hoops, get humiliated and would lose the custody of their children. And it would take ages. One river branch was definitely bumpier than the other. The book “Anna Karenina”, by Leo Tolstoy, portraits exactly how dramatic the situation could become.
Nowadays, “divorce” refers to the legal separation of a couple, the dissolution of a marriage. Couples living together but not legally married do not get divorced, they breakup. Or split. The same for couples who were not living together, actually. “Go in different directions” is an expression often used in these situations, which matches the river metaphor. Is it easier to “breakup” than to “divorce”? Maybe not. The couple in question still have to divide their shared possessions and the custody of their children, if that is the case. It can get messy, even nowadays with more balanced (but not 100%) laws.
Life is very dynamic and, like the rivers, individuals craft their own valleys. Some rivers go alone to the sea, others get together with another river, and then they separate again. Sometimes, the intersection between the rivers creates a pattern the more entangled as they come closer to the sea. Other times, rivers change direction halfway and go alone to its final destination. It all depends on what the river finds in its way. They do not have a predefined route, just adapt and react to the obstacles they encounter.
A divorce is not seen as something positive, even if only for the emotional suffering that is implied. And it is not just couples who get divorced. Today, as in the past, this word can be used when there is a separation of something that used to be together or should be together. For example: the government has divorced from its country’s reality. Here, it is implied that the government has taken a different path from its country’s population, which it shouldn’t. In this case, the situation can be dramatic.
Sources:
- Divorce (Etymonline)
- Video: “When did humans start getting divorced? – Rod Phillips”
- Video: “The history of marriage – Alex Gendler”
- Husband (Etymonline)
- Divorce (Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary)
This article is part of the WORD CHRONICLES series
Word Chronicles are articles where the meaning of words, concepts, and perceptions are discussed.
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